Ouch. I do not like this word. I like to be organised, with a plan and to be in control. I'm a thinker and so I'd like to say that I think through everything really thoroughly (but my family and close friends know that's not quite true haha) but when it comes to future planning, I do actually carefully consider many factors and potential outcomes of different options. I'm sure I make God smile often when I come up with another hair brained idea of what I could do, or what my future might look like but I really struggle just leaving gaps of unknowns. Over the years, as 'my plans' have fallen on their face, doors have closed and new ones have opened that I never would have expected, I've been learning how to let go and be okay with plan z's or just winging it. I've been learning how important it is to go to God first with my plans, instead of getting carried away making them, and then give them to God. I've been learning to surrender to His guidance in saying yes to things that scare the pants off me, and saying no to things I wanted. I've been learning how to walk the balance beam of being wise in preparing for my future, taking risks and making decisions, but also stepping back, waiting, and letting Him direct me. There are definitely some big things, like when I was deciding which University offer to accept, that I wished I had an audible voice telling me which was the best one for me, but there wasn't and I prayed about it, sat on it for awhile and I really felt a peace that God was letting me make the decision, and that if I continued to be faithful to Him, that He would use me and bless me in either place. Comparing this to my first uni decision, I only got 1 option which was not my top preference and I didn't understand why God had closed that door. Looking back, I now see that it was the perfect place for me to be, and God had a reason and a plan for me to be there and to meet the people I met. And then God was so faithful and generous, that for my Masters, I got straight into the University that I had originally wanted and which is where I am loving being. This is just one example in my life where I thought that I wasn't where I wanted to be, but God showed me that He actually knows what I need and has a bigger and better plan for my life than I could ever dream up for myself. Ephesians 3:20 says "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." (NLT) If God let me do what I wanted, then I would miss out on some incredible opportunities that I never even would know existed. It is scary to surrender my plans, to accept that I'm not in control, to trust God with the unexpected, to be thankful for both closed and open doors, and to be open to where He's leading me, no matter where that is. But my God, my precious heavenly Father, promises that He'll "never leave or forsake me" (Deuteronomy 31:6) so even when it feels like I'm standing in a round room with closed doors in every direction, all I need to do is look up, focus my eyes on Jesus and wait for His timing.
