Yes or No???

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you a perfect formula on how to always make the perfect decision because, firstly, I’m still learning and secondly, it doesn’t exist. There is no "recipe" for a perfect outcome, and honestly, a lot comes down to trial and error and a few other ingredients. But, it has been a struggle of mine and so I’d love to share some of the things that I am learning.

My natural tendency is to say yes to everything - I love to do things and I love to help others and meet a need whenever I can. But when there are too many ‘yeses’ and not enough ‘nos’ then I end up way over-committed and not able to give my best to everything that I do. A lot of us know the principle in Colossians 3:23 which says “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” and that means we need to try our best no matter whether it’s a super boring task, or the most fun and rewarding one. But there’s another layer to that as well - it’s not just about turning up and doing the best we can on the day, but actually preparing and taking care of ourselves, and turning up in the best headspace to then be able to give our actual best. For example, if I stay up late watching a movie and have a long day at work the next day, I will turn up and do my best. But compared to if I had gone to bed earlier and then turned up and given my best, my best will look a little different. Another example is if I’m trying to help in too many areas with planning or organising, and I only have a short amount of time to devote to each one. I will still be doing my best, but compared to having the space and time to give each thing I’m doing the space and time it deserves, ‘my best’ won’t be as good as what it could have been. So in this type of scenario, it’s actually IMPORTANT to say some ‘no’s’ so that I can give a 100% yes, not a 75% yes, to other things.

Sometimes though, even yes people desperately want to say no to things that they actually should do. Fear, anxiety, doubt, low self worth and a list of other things can cloud our mind and our judgement and when presented with an opportunity or task, our instincts go “soz, no can do”! If you’re even moderately self aware, you know where some of your strengths and weaknesses lie, and so if something isn’t a strength, it can be very tempting to discard the opportunity. But we don’t need to be afraid of things that we are not very good at or are unfamiliar with because firstly, it’s great to learn and grow, and secondly, God will equip you with all the tools that you will need to fulfill what He has called you to step out into. One very clear example of this in my life, is when I was starting Young Life, with a lunchtime games program at a local school. I was the whole team so I had to organise everything (which is my strength) and then I had to turn up, make conversation and play high energy and engaging games (sooooo far from my strengths!!). God has been so clear leading me into this space but I was absolutely terrified because this was so beyond my comfort zone and I doubted that I would be able to have any impact because “I wasn’t good at this sort of stuff, I’m a behind the scenes person”. But I chose to trust that since there was no other option, God would help me, and it honestly was so weird - every time I stepped into that room, it’s like I switched into this other person and at the end of the session I would reflect over the laughs and conversations I had with the kids and be amazed at what had happened because I knew it was NOT me, it was all God. So just as you can’t be too quick to say yes, you also can’t be too quick to say no because you might miss out on an amazing opportunity for God to both use you and show you how much He cares, He is there for you and He wants to help you.

So when we are presented with an opportunity, how do we know whether we should say yes and risk over-committing, or say no and risk missing out on a valuable opportunity when there is no writing in the sky telling us exactly what we should do? A checklist :D

1. Think through it - a few months back I had a decisions about taking on another small leadership role and I really wanted to take it, but was aware I had a lot going on so I wrote up a planner of what an average week looks like, colour coded it to see different commitments and how much space I had to rest, etc and evaluated if logistically I could fit it in without over-committing myself.

2. Talk to a couple of close people in your life - I would recommend talking to a few different people because they see different parts of your life. Parents are definitely a good option, but also talking to a mentor (if you have one, or any trustworthy older adult) and a few friends will help you get a well rounded view of the situation from different perspectives. If they are all saying they support saying yes, then it’s another tick box that you’re on the right track. If they are divided, that's okay, you have some different views to help you for Step 7.

3. Pray! Super important one - God probably won’t audibly tell you what you should do, but don’t underestimate how much He speaks in other ways. If you’ve invited Jesus into your heart, then you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you who will prompt you and either give you peace about saying yes about a decision or lack of peace/unsettling feeling which indicates maybe you should think this through a bit further or maybe you should say no.

4. Depending on the situation, is it in alignment with God’s word or does it conflict with your values? The Bible has a lot to say on many topics, so if you’re unsure about something, go to a reference section in your Bible, or Bible app or even Google (or a pastor, mentor etc that can direct you to some helpful Scripture) and see what His word says and whether your decision would bring God glory.

5. Give it some time - don’t rush into anything on impulse! Most decisions don’t require an immediate answer, so be okay with giving the answer of ‘I’ll think/pray about it”. And then actually think/pray about it haha! Which takes a little time, and gives you the opportunity to think through all the pros/cons to it, or any further questions or concerns you might have about it before committing.

6. Be open to both options. This is the most challenging for me - I am often guilty of praying the “please let Your will be my will” prayer, already having a decision made up in my mind of what I want to do, so actually surrendering that decision and being okay with the answer not being what you hoped it will be, is so important. But also don’t fall in the guilt trap of denying the choice you want purely because you want it, thinking that if you want it, it must be the ‘less Godly’ choice. There are times where you want to say yes and God says no, but there are also plenty of times where you want to say yes and God says yes too!

7. Once you have thought/planned/prayed/talked to close people/researched it, then collate all that information and you should have a pretty thorough outline of the situation and hopefully some clarity and confirmation about which option is right for you right now.

That’s another thing, just because something isn’t right, right now, doesn’t mean it’s not right in the future. Sometimes, a ‘no’ is just a ‘not yet’ or a ‘maybe later’. And sometimes, God does something even more daunting and says “you choose”. Which honestly, I’m not a fan of because choices have consequences and carrying the responsibility of those choices is very daunting. The perfectionist in me (that I’m working on lol) always wants to make the ‘perfect choice’ and I often worry, wishing God would just tell me exactly which is the best option. Like when I got both offers for my Masters, I asked God to show me really clearly which one was better because I genuinely was open to either. And nothing. I talked to lots of people, anyone I knew vaguely in the field, and my friends/family and I got a few opinions about pros and cons to both, but nothing particularly conclusive. I sat on this for about 4 weeks before making a decision, and still didn’t even decline the other option for a few weeks after that because I was still terrified of making the wrong choice. What if I was supposed to make particular friends at one uni and I went to the other one and never met them? What if I chose the more expensive one and it affects me financially in my future? What if I choose the more convenient one but the job I go for in the future would have preferred the other option? But these were just fears and when I quietened my mind to let God have a word in, I really felt that He was giving me this choice and if I was faithful to keep honoring Him both in my studies and how I interact with people, then He would use me and bless me in whichever option I chose. So I went with the one that I had always wanted since I was little and now halfway through, I am so glad I made this decision because I absolutely love it.

So next time you are faced with a decision, don't freak out about making the wrong choice, or that it's too much for you or you'll miss out on too much. Just stop, think, pray and make the best decision that you can with what you know. And keep following Jesus, honoring Him in all that you do, and trust that He will open/shut doors/lead you/equip you and ALWAYS be there for you.

Lotsa love to you all! xoxo