Life makes me laugh sometimes - well it's a laugh or cry moment and I'm choosing to laugh, take a deep breath and process it all out. There are recurrent challenges and trials that we conquer and feel like we've moved on from, and then they come back disguised in a new form and it takes a minute to figure out that oh, we're back here again. One of those challenges is worth and identity. As teenagers, that's channeled into trying to be cool and as young adults that can be achieving a relationship status and finding the one, or achieving certain career and study goals. I've hit those goals with 2 degrees, a full time job and a husband and my worth and identity is supposed to be secure now. I would say that my worth is 100% in Jesus and being God's child, but as I look at my actions as a new wife, I don't think I can say that fully at the moment.
I know I touched on this briefly in a previous blog post, but learning how to run a home has been a learning curve in a way I didn’t expect. Having been taught how to do everything as a young teenager, the tasks themselves are not challenging. The challenge that I am working through is to not let housework dictate my stress levels and steal my joy. When the house is messy, I’ve noticed I’ve felt frustrated and on edge for no other reason and the simplest little thing can annoy me until I get a chance to clean it again and then peace returns to my heart and my home. There have been a few occasions when it's late at night and I'm just in 'crazy cleaning lady mode' as my husband calls it, and he has had to gently encourage me to finish up and come to bed. That is not God’s best for me and certainly not my best for my husband.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s super important to work hard and maintain a clean home, the issue is priorities. When cleaning takes priority in how I allocate my time and takes time away from spending it with God or spending it with my husband or others, it means my priorities are out of whack. It’s so easy to not notice the subtle idols that are ‘good things’ to do but become unhelpful distractions when the focus is put too high on them. Additional to that, good things become bad things when we put our identity in them instead of who God made us to be. My identity as a person and as a wife is not dependent on the status of my home.
In those moments where I am feeling almost claustrophobic because the bench isn’t wiped or the floor isn’t vacuumed because we’ve had things on, I am learning to not let myself feel overwhelmed by the tasks at hand and take a minute to stop and give it all to Jesus. God isn't just for our 'God times', He wants to be involved and is with us even in the simplest, mundane pieces of housework. So we can pray for help with doing the dishes or pray that He would help us be present in the moment until we have the opportunity to do the dishes. And very importantly, be grateful in those moments. Thank you Jesus that I have a roof over my head to get messy, thank you Jesus that I have a loving husband who helps me get things done, thank you Jesus that I have a great vacuum and other cleaning items so that I can have a tidy house, thank you Jesus that I have the physical ability to move my body to clean the house, and thank you Jesus for my job and other events in my week that are such a blessing even if it means that my house isn’t as clean as usual. When I replace my frustrations with gratitude, immediately my heart lifts and peace settles me.
So whether it’s crazy cleaning or crazy something else that is a ‘good thing’ but something that can steal your joy and distract you from your main goals and purpose in life, I hope this encourages you, as I am learning too, to submit this area to God and be grateful instead of getting caught up in frustration.
